he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
