we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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