Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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