Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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