Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
