My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
