dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
