I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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