two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
