Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
