Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
