That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
