Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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