youre lurking in front of me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize