I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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