tell your sister to shave her snatch
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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