guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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