Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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