Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
