Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
