two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
