so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
