Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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