I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
