I hate your face
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize