I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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