There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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