whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
