I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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