he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
