Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
