I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just pee around me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize