wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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