i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
