Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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