mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
