If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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