if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
