the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
organizing the empties. That sober.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
