My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
