i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
