Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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