so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize