he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
