I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
