Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
