What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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