No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
