I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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