im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
