when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
