I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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