I have demons in me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
