1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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