Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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