I feel like abortions should bother me more
he shaved USA in his pubs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
