I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
