My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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