I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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