ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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