You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
