does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
