So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
