WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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