He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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