Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
