Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
