i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize