Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
