I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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