when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
