I think my fart just growled at me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
