I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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