It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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