there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she smelled like a LAN party
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
