Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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